Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it glows. i had to have it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
