at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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