Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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