There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
