Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
