I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
