I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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