playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
