just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The air was thick with penises
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
