Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
