How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
