If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
should my penis look like a turkey
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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