New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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