Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
