who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
