i think i have herpe
just one?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
