am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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