After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
