i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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