i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When did angry sex become our thing?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
