kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
