shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
