it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
