I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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