i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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