happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
wow bdsm is so cute
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
