There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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