NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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