Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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