Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
