He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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