Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
