if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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