your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
