imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
