I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
