So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
