she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
