Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
