She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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