i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
