Already got asked if we're dating
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
