Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
