i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
