when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
