the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
