Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
