I wish I could punch you in the face.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
