the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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