NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
