You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
