Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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