Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
