I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
