It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
