The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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