I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
